Bad luck wife

Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times...When I got fired; you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side...You know what?" "What dear?" She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. "I think you bring me bad luck."

You might find this to be humorous in a way, but just remember no matter how many seemingly bad things may happen to us in our lifetime it isn't because someone brought us "bad luck". Things do happen for a reason and if you are one who truly loves the Lord then you should know that "All Things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28" KJV

Medical Bloopers #3

I thought I'd go ahead and post another Medical blooper since I can't quite think of anything to blog about today. This should make you appreciate your own name. I've known people that would like to change their name, and some that have, but I think this individual has a good reason to, or at least change the spelling of the name.

This young woman brought her child to the Children's Hospital for a routine check-up. On the records, I saw that the child's first name was Urine (pronounced Urin-ie). I didn't want to be rude, but I had to know why a woman would name her child this, so I asked her how Urine got her name.
The woman sat down and related her story. "Well, my baby was born premature and had to stay in the special nursery. She was real sick and they didn't know if she would make it, but the nurses said they would pray for her. One day, I came in and the nurses had named her. There was a sign on her incubator that said, 'Please save Urine.' So I knew that they had named my baby Urine.

I cannot believe a mother would do this, she could have at least inquired to see if that is what they did or if the sign meant something else. It is too bad no one offered her a book on baby names. Now I know why they sell those books, to keep kids from the ultimate humiliation.

A Cat Story

A cat died and went to heaven. God met her at the Golden Gate and said, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking." The cat thought a minute and then said, "All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on."
God said, "Say no more." Instantly, the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to heaven together. God met the mice at the gates of heaven with the same offer that He made to the cat. The mice said, "Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller-skates, we would never have to run again. God answered, "It is done." All the mice had beautiful little roller-skates.

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything ok? How have you been doing? Are you happy?" The cat replied, "Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in my life! My pillow is fluffy, and those little Meals-on-Wheels you have been sending are absolutely delicious."

A Redneck's letter

My dad sent me a fax this morning which included the following letter. It is just absolutely hilarious. So I thought you might enjoy reading it too.

My Dearest Redneck Son,

I'm writing this slow, because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your Dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved and won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is really nice.

It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well, though. Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since. The weather isn't bad here, it only rained twice last week; the first time for three days, and the second time for four days.

About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy-Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we had to cut them off. You can find them in the pockets. Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your Pa out.

Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. It's the dangdst thing, but the baby looks just like your brother. Uncle Bobby-Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated; he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Bubba was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends, Cletus and Buford were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down. There isn't much more news at this time.
Nothing much out of the normal has happened.

Your Favorite Aunt, Mom

I hope you all enjoyed that as much as I did. Don't feel bad if you have to read it twice to catch everything. I don't think in the wildest part of my imagination I could have written a letter quite like that one.

Little Johnny

I think children's perspectives are rather interesting. That is why I decided to post these.

• A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
• Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
• The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
• At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny, a child in the kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
• Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

Forest Gump

Remember Forest Gump? Well here is something you may not know.

The day finally arrived; Forest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed and Forest approaches the Gatekeeper.

St. Peter says, "Well, Forest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven."

Forest responds, "It shor is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever tolt me about any entrance exam. Shor hope the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it was."

St. Peter goes on, "Yes, I know, Forest, but the test is only three questions: First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T? Second: How many seconds are there in a year? Third: What is God's first name?"

Forest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter who waves him up and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers."

Forest says, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begin with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one's easy. That'd be Today and Tomorrow."

The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forest, that's not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I didn't specify, so I'll give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?" asks St. Peter. "How many seconds in a year?"

"Now that one's harder," says Forest, "but I thunk and thunk about that and I guess the only answer can be twelve." Confounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve? Twelve!? Forest, how did you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

Forest says "Shucks, there's gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd. . ."

"Hold it, " interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're going with this, and I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind.....but I'll have to give you credit for that one, too. Let's go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name"?

"Sure" Forest replied, "its Andy."

"Andy?!" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter. "Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?"

"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forest replied. "I learnt it from the song. . . . "ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN. . . ." St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates and said: "Run Forest, run."

Medical Bloopers #2

Here is another Medical Blooper for you. I hope that you get a chuckle or two out of it.

I was cofounder of an international support group for people with primary biliary cirrhosis. The only therapy for this ailment is a liver transplant. One of our members went through the trauma and anxiety of the transplant and her recovery was difficult, but she made it and was looking forward to her first real meal. The hospital served the dinner in fancy presentation and she eagerly lifted the lid to find the entree was...liver!

Can you imagine? I can't stand liver at all and this would have really been too much for me. I cannot hardly believe someone would do this to a person. But I guess this is probably not unusual for a hospital, their reputation for food isn't that good anyway. I do have to say though that when I was in the hospital after giving birth, my husband and I were treated with a fabulous meal that had fillet mignon as the main dish. The whole meal was absolutely the best and we even got a bottle of Champagne. I don't drink champagne, even if I did that stuff is just way too bubbly for me.

I guess if you go in for a transplant it might be a good idea to make sure they don't feed you what you just had removed from your body. I'm wondering, did she eat what they served her, or did she send it back for something more appealing?

Knock Knock

Here is a nice clean Knock, Knock joke for you.

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote, "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10." Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."

Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."

"A cheerful heart is good medicine" (Prov. 17:22a)

Medical Bloopers

I found a really good daily calendar for 2005; Medical Bloopers. I get a really chuckle out of reading things like this, makes me feel better about the silly stuff I find myself doing.

A drug dealer had been shot during a "deal gone bad." While in Radiology, I looked at the x-ray request form. The box "Work Related Injury" had been checked.

People never cease to amaze me. I just don't think that is something I would want people to know that I did for a living.